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(no subject) [Feb. 4th, 2011|04:45 pm]
Kwazyman: i think some dudes are more smitten with you than any of the forum babes





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(no subject) [May. 1st, 2010|10:19 am]
Does anyone have any use for one of these: http://www.centurycdtech.com/info.htm

I did a favor for a friend of my mother's and he gave me a bunch of money plus on of those. I don't have enough DVDs to justify opening the box (it's still in its original packaging) so if any of y'all have use for it I'd be happy to ship it out.
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(no subject) [Apr. 5th, 2010|05:25 pm]
holy shit holy shit

okay so it turns out that the founder of LEAP (Law Enforcement Against Prohibition) lives about 12 miles from my grandma. So I was like "fuck it" and I emailed the LEAP headquarters for his contact info and I called him up and tomorrow I'm going to his house for lunch. I'm literally shaking with excitement. Peter Christ HA HA is his name, he's fucking awesome, you should all watch his videos at leap.cc

oh god I'm going to shame myself
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(no subject) [Apr. 5th, 2010|06:27 am]
First a morbid anecdote! I am far enough removed from its primary agents that I can laugh at it, I hope, without being too vulgar. Okay, now, my Uncle's mother--he's not my blood uncle, so she's not my grandmother--has been long since relegated to a nursing home. She is doddering and senile and generally half gone to the farm, if you will, so my uncle had little choice in the matter.

So, once per week the nursing home brings in a Priest to perform all the requisite clerical duties. Blessings, intonations, that sort of thing. This week, through some infernal administrative mix-up, his directorial sheets point him towards my uncle's mother's room. He comes upon her resting in bed and begins giving her The Last Rites. The poor woman woke up and was so terrified that she had a heart attack.

Now, it was only a minor heart attack (as far as these things go) and she's fine now, but still it's amazing how dangerous a few strings of latin can be given the (im)proper circumstances! I know it's probably terrible and horrible to laugh at this, but I can't help it =(

Here is a picture of my grandma and grandpa when they were 20 years old. AREN'T THEY CUTE, grandma is so pretty and grandpa is the biggest cad in the world.

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(no subject) [Sep. 19th, 2009|07:10 pm]
SO my friend Jeff and I went on a glorious road trip this last week. The location? OKLAHOMA CITY, OKLAHOMA. The mission? VISIT PROFESSOR J RUFUS FEARS.

Now, he had no idea that we were coming. We were initially worried that he'd either not be teaching this semester or wouldn't have time to receive us, &c, &c. We tried calling the classics department to find out his class schedule and office hours, but (LAFFO) the classics department told us that he doesn't bother to keep them informed of such trivial matters. Also it turns out that he doesn't check his office mail--they have to call his wife every month or so to pick up the surplus when the box becomes full. So it's pretty obvious that Fears is the type of tenured professor who doesn't give a FUCK about NUTHIN (but, as it turns out, in a good way).

After doing some digging online at Jeff's lakehouse, we managed to find the master OU class schedule; Professor Fears is teaching this semester! Yay! On tuesdays and thursdays! So, monday rolls around and we stumble into my car and make the sixteen hour drive from Davis Illinois to Oklahoma City (keep in mind that Jeff has motorcycled out from California and I drove out from Ohio).

We arrive on campus a couple hours before his class (FREEDOM IN ANCIENT GREECE) is scheduled to begin, so we crash in the floor of the physics building for awhile. Finally class time rolls around--the halls outside of the lecture hall are literally packed with students just waiting to get inside. We waited around for a couple of minutes in the hall, until this little bald head floats through the crowd and the doors swing open.

Jeff and I take seats in the back of the immense lecture hall. Not immense enough to house all the students, though--by the time all the students have arrived there's tons of body overflow. I gave up my seat for a girl who'd just had surgery to remove her lower left leg. She was really pretty (in fact she'll return to the story later on...).

The lecture began and it was so awesome to see the master at work on his craft. See, professor fears lectures while holding this giant staff, which he uses as a prop (a spear, or a javelin, and so forth). In fact, whenever he catches a student falling asleep (and what kind of faggot falls asleep in a fears class WHO KNOWS not me) he gives a huge warcry and charges the victim, jabbing them with the end of his staff while everyone else has a hearty laugh at the somnolent student's expense. After the lecture (on the battle of marathon, as it happens), Jeff and I walked up to the front of the room for a face to face with the distinguished professor. Here's it went:

TONY AND JEFF (Trying not to squeal in delight like faggots): Hello Professor Fears!

JRF: Hello!

TJ: So, um, we're not students in this class...in fact we're not students of yours at all...actually we don't attend this university...okay look we're not even residents of this state, but we've come on a QUEST ACROSS THE COUNTRY to visit you. See, we're big fans of your teaching company lectures.

JRF: Why, how delightful! Why don't you come to my office and we can talk? *gives us directions to his office*

So, we head off to his office while he finishes up post-class business. Of course, we become horribly lost because NO FUCKING BUILDINGS AT OU HAVE FUCKING SIGNS, and we end up asking the same lady for direction like three separate times. By the third time she was like 'wtf'.

We eventually find our way, though. Fears is on the phone when we stroll into his office, so we wait outside until he notices us and hangs up (as it turns out, he was talking to ANOTHER TTC fan who'd called him up). He invites us in and takes a seat behind his immense desk. In fact, the entire place is immense, an office fit for a CEO rather than a college professor who's not even a department chair or dean. The walls are stacked with musty old tomes and there's a huge portrait of Winston Churchill glowering down at any guest who walks in.

The first thing he says as we sit down is, "So, tell me about yourselves," which is pretty impressive--I mean, here's this badass professor who's making like actually gives a shit about these two schmucks who've just rolled in after two days of no sleep. We give him the basic run down of our pathetic lives, during which THE GIRL WITH THE MISSING LEG strolls (lol as much as she can) in.

I say, "Well, we don't want to hold you back from, um, actual students so we'll get out of here..." but professor fears is having none of that and bids us to stay. The girl (amanda, I think?) has a problem: She's been wigged out on oxycontin for the last few classes (from her surgery) and has no idea WHAT the fuck. Well, professor fears is happy to let her take a make-up test so she has some extra time to study, and of course he invites her to drop by anytime if she has any questions. The four of us chat for a bit, and man that girl was pretty and totally would've asked her out if, er, I actually lived in Oklahoma (my god).

Anyway, she eventually hobbled off and we got down to business. We talked to him for three hours or so, about every topic imaginable, from geopolitics to environmentalism to the curse of modern academia. Some highlights:

Tony: So Professor Fears, why do you teach at, um, Oklahoma University of all places?

JRF: Well now, for two reasons: One, just look at the size of my office, and two, I answer only to the college president. \m/ (>_<) \m/

JRF: Now, let me tell you something: Anytime someone says to you, "Well, it's to save the trees!" you can be absolutely sure that they're trying to fleece you in some manner. (Explanation: OU apparently recently made all student evaluations online only, no paper option. This means no one will fill them out, and professor fears takes student evaluations very seriously. He opines that they only went online so other professors wouldn't have to deal with them, but when he let this be known they told him it was 'to save the trees'.)

JRF: By God, minds such as yours will only be corrupted by graduate school. Avoid it at all costs.

[Speaking on how he appreciates that we had an actual conversation with him rather than simply expecting him to lecture at us] JRF: You know, I'll go out to these various academic dinners and whatnot and people always seem to expect me to stand up and teach a class right then and there. All I can think is 'GOD NO I just want to eat my chicken'.

And so on and so forth. Literally everything that comes out of this man's mouth is either insightful, witty or wise. We even talked about the simpson's and south park, of which both he is a big fan. 'Wonderful satire', he calls them. He actually told a funny story about meeting one of the writers of the simpsons, but I won't go into that since no one is reading this far in.

Anyway, he was all like "So, you're my students now" (said with gravitas) and he even gave us his home phone number, admonishing us to stay in touch. He also said that my HELLO KITTY backpack was 'charming'. FUCK it turned out better than I could've ever hoped.
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(no subject) [Sep. 6th, 2009|12:39 pm]
most dissapointed thief in town:

Some faggot rifled through my car (again). He opened all compartments, doors and such, and found nothing but philosophy and religious studies books LO
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(no subject) [Aug. 10th, 2009|08:16 pm]
HEY GUYS if anyone can use it, I have a radeon x850 sitting around, doing nothing. I'd be happy to send it off (I swear I will this time) to whoever!
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(no subject) [Aug. 8th, 2009|04:46 pm]
This morning I was at the grocery store, getting juice for **~my grandma~**. The cashier was a really cute ~~~~azn~~~~ girl and I told her that she had a really pretty smile. She grinned and laughed, I almost got LAID.

then on the way home I nearly hit a wild turkey. stupid birds
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(no subject) [May. 6th, 2009|06:26 am]
so the egyptians in the new kingdom era were pretty full of themselves. They liked to know exactly how many foes they'd managed to mow down in any given battle, no lame 'estimates', that shit was for faggy assyrians or hittites. The pharaohs, then, had a little cabal of military scribes who followed along the army on the yearly campaigns (Egyptians never colonized conquered territory, so they had to go back out each year to exact tributes and shit), charged with recording causalities (these were not advertised), the aforementioned killed foes, &c, &c.

Now, you'd have--say--a dozen of these dudes rolling around the battlefield post-action, tallying up the dead. Ancient battlefields, like their modern equivalents, are not exactly havens of order and organization; you've got parts and whatnot strewn about, piled atop one another and so on. How do you ensure that your scribes aren't inadvertently skipping bodies, counting bodies twice, overlapping one another, &c?

Well, the answer is that you have them bring along some unlucky schlub to cut off a single hand from each corpse. You throw the gristle into a bunch of carts, haul them back to a central location, then count them up. Much more accurate this way.

Eventually some clever pharaohs get the idea to throw the hands back in baggage train wagons and haul them off back to egypt to display as trophies/propaganda for the bloodthirsty masses. Of course, some wiseguys are all, 'lol how do we know you're just not cutting the hands off hapless women and bringing them back home as a filthy LIE, oh holy son of amun, falcon on earth to whom we mean no offense uhhhh'.

So some even cleverer pharaoh circa the 19th dynasty is all 'lol fuck y'all' and cuts off the PENISES off slain enemies, counts them up and brings them back to display as trophies. Oh, and you can tell he's not just cutting off the dongs of hapless peasants in the outlands because they're all uncircumcised like all the barbarian enemies of the egyptians.


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(no subject) [May. 4th, 2009|02:34 pm]
This is the story of the great Ionian revolt against Darius and his Persian empire, and more specifically the story of a rather remarkable man, Dionysius of Phokaia. Unedited, so go forth and beware, if you are wont to read this sort of thing. It is pretty laffo in my estimation, but I am a hopeless classics nerd.

Read more...Collapse )

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